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Hope This Makes Sense...

I'm about as exhausted as anyone can be.  I don't have the strength for all the details, but I'll "sum up."  Tiffany showed up again last night, completely defiant and not at all remorseful.  I told her that her puppy had found a new home because she left him alone and was not taking care of him.  She called the police to report me for theft (sheesh).  Of course, the officer told her that I'm her mother and have the right to consequence her as I see fit.  Before he arrived, she hit me across the chest.  He didn't see that so he couldn't arrest her.  I called her therapist who told the officer that she needed to be taken to the hospital.  He didn't want to do that because "I'm not seeing anything dangerous in her."  OH MY GOD THE RIDICULOUS SYSTEM WE HAVE.  She raged and yelled, told him she didn't need medication and that she "lost it."  So at least that confirmed what I believed all along - that she was off  her medication.  The MH supporter called and talked to the officer again and told him that yes, he can take her to the hospital because her therapist is recommending hospitalization and it would be dangerous for her mother to try to take her because she'd probably jump out of the car, run away, assault her mom, pick one.   He finally said he would take her if she agreed.  I told him he needed to say, "You either need to ride with me or your mom because your therapist wants you to talk to someone."  Otherwise I knew she would refuse if he said something like, "You have to go in the hospital and your mom is going to take you."  After sitting at the assessment center until 2:30 AM, they finally agreed that she needed to be committed.  At 3:30, while waiting for a bed to open up at Holly Hill, I went to the back to see her.  She was still crying and raging about the "f-ing doctor."  She let me hug her, but quickly became angry when she wanted me to "talk them out of it."  I told them it wouldn't matter if I did, but that I wouldn't do that because she needed help.  After 30 minutes, I gave up and left.  I had to take Joshua to work at 8:30 so I only slept a couple of hours.  I guess this is going to be my life for awhile....

Oh, and to top it all off, my ex-husband decided to see what livejournal was all about.  He read all my entries, then picked yesterday to take terminal offense at the journal entry about the time he used my credit card for gambling when I was under the influence of Ambien.  I told him to f*^K off.  I sure as hell don't need his bullspit right now.  Joshua also had a meltdown this morning. I didn't need that either, but he apologized and if anyone deserves a little venting, he does.  He has patiently sat by and watched me go through hell with Tiffany and hasn't said a thing to her.  That has to be hard.

But for god's sake, I really just need a break, you know? 

Sad News About Tiffany

Tiffany came home yesterday, but unfortunately left again.  Literally within 5 minutes of my going to get her, she was belligerent and demanding.  No apology, no reasoning, just ....  well, a bi-polar, damaged teenager.  Took her to the therapist.  Tried tough love.  Her birth brother called yesterday because she had called him.  He told me that nothing worked for him until his grandmother finally said, "I wash my hands of you."  He thinks this is the only way she will learn as well.  He made me feel good because he said, "I told her she was crazy.  I wish Ms. Tracey could have adopted me and here you are throwing it all away." She left in the night without the puppy this time.  The police have said there's no point in searching now because she just doesn't want to cooperate.  Thanks for caring.  Please pray to the deity of your choice for her safety, until she wakes up and realizes that a loving family is better than the streets.  I believe in prayer.  And I believe in hopeful thoughts and good karma.  I believe in God, because He kept me safe when I had no one to care about me.  He sent me many friends and all of you.  I will not be hopeless.  Thank you all again for your support and encouragement.  Let us pray.



Tiffany called and talked to the Detective last night.  She was clearly already second-guessing this situation.  She called me this morning and she is willing to let me come and get her.  She still doesn't want to live at home, but I told her that we could sit down with her therapist and her mental health support caseworker and see what alternatives there are to get her in a place where she is safe, but feels more independent.

YIPPEE!!  I know it's not over yet, but at least I know she's OK and (at least for now) she's being more reasonable.  Pray for my wisdom and strength as we try to plan appropriately for Tiffany's future.

THANK YOU WILL NEVER EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE TO HELP ME AND SUPPORT ME IN THIS!!  I have made so many new friends, virtually overnight, and my faith in humanity has grown by leaps and bounds.  PLEASE if ever I can return the good you have done me, don't hesitate to ask.



Tiffany called briefly last night.  All she would say is "I'm not coming home.  I can be myself here."  She said she was with "a 20-year-old I met on myspace."  The fact that she stated his age leads me to believe he's probably much older than that.  How sad that she sees herself in such a way that she can't "be herself" in a family that loves her, with safe boundaries, a beautiful girl's bedroom, nice things, security, affection - and all that we've tried to give her.  I wish she could see herself like I do. 

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE CROSS-POSTED THIS!  Your amazing efforts have gotten Tiffany's information LITERALLY all over the US, into Germany and Japan - and even one of the members of Fall Out Boy!  You guys ROCK - and your love and prayers are what are keeping me from losing my sanity.  Please cross-post my thanks to those who you shared this with.  I have tried to personally respond to each message I receive, but I can't keep up because there are so many.  I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU ARE DOING A WONDERFUL THING.  This is what it means when they say "IT TAKES A VILLAGE."  What a wonderful global village I live in!



I am completely overwhelmed at the support and help I'm getting in the search for Tiffany. I have seen TONS of cross-postings of my appeal and I can't thank you all enough!  This is what lets me know that people ARE good and kind overall and what makes our world wonderful.

UPDATE:  I received a call from the Detective on her case.  She was very caring and spent considerable time talking to me.  She thinks that Tiffany will merit inclusion on the National Missing and Exploited List.  She also thinks they may be able to track her by her cell phone.  She clearly wants to help us and that is so encouraging. 

I'll let you know if I hear anything at all.  Thanks for buoying up my spirits as I continue to help my most deserving but hurt child.  I truly love you all!


Please Pray for Tiffany

She ran away again on Saturday night.  But this time she hasn't come back.  The last "issue" I had with her was that she had left the house with some older man she met on myspace.  I don't know if that's who she ran away with or what. 


Setbacks and Affirmations

Haven't updated you on my life in a while. So here goes:

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Hee Hee

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In Case You Missed It....


Here's the link to Tiffany's story aired on Thanksgiving Day.



Well, the word from the producer today is that our story will air at 8:44 am tomorrow on the Today Show. If you know anyone interested in adoption, tell them to watch! I haven't seen it either, so I hope it's good!