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UPDATE ON TIFFANY


Tiffany called briefly last night.  All she would say is "I'm not coming home.  I can be myself here."  She said she was with "a 20-year-old I met on myspace."  The fact that she stated his age leads me to believe he's probably much older than that.  How sad that she sees herself in such a way that she can't "be herself" in a family that loves her, with safe boundaries, a beautiful girl's bedroom, nice things, security, affection - and all that we've tried to give her.  I wish she could see herself like I do. 

THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE CROSS-POSTED THIS!  Your amazing efforts have gotten Tiffany's information LITERALLY all over the US, into Germany and Japan - and even one of the members of Fall Out Boy!  You guys ROCK - and your love and prayers are what are keeping me from losing my sanity.  Please cross-post my thanks to those who you shared this with.  I have tried to personally respond to each message I receive, but I can't keep up because there are so many.  I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU ARE DOING A WONDERFUL THING.  This is what it means when they say "IT TAKES A VILLAGE."  What a wonderful global village I live in!

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the_new_perfect
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad that you've at least heard her voice.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
silverstah
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)
OMG, at least she's physically safe. Were you able to get the number on caller ID?

You are an amazing woman. Let us know what we can do to help. I'm SO glad she called and checked in, at least. I am still praying for you, so very often.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie!
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(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
balynar
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
As long as you realize that this is not something you have done, and that is it her doing this to herself. I know it sounds trite, but when you are 17 you think you know everything. There are entire days...weeks...that I wish I knew as much as I thought I did when I was 17. This guy, whether she went of her own accord or not, is a predator and needs to go to jail. He has preyed on a confused child who doesn't know what the world is all about and is using her. I hope they find the both soon. The sad part is you will catch unholy hell from her when this guy goes in the slammer.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
I know - I just don't see how some people sleep at night. Scum. Thanks, friend!
(no subject) - cryptocosm - Dec. 9th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
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baronalejandro
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
Did she call from her cellphone? Does she have her cellphone with her? If she does, you can have her located. Ask on the Keep for Sir Daemon Broussard, and ask him about it. He's a private investigator (and a pretty darn good one), and I think it costs about $25ish to have a cellphone located.
balynar
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:35 pm (UTC)
THIS. Daemon can track her down.
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - baronalejandro - Dec. 9th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
ymasen
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, I can only imagine how relieving it was to hear her voice, even for just a bit.

It may help you to remember that eventually the Prodigal Son returned home. Just keep thinking positively (((((hugs)))))
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
bantiarna
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:34 pm (UTC)
Yea at least you know she is safe.
I got an email from a friend of mine who was a runaway at 18, spent a year away from home and did not even give her mother the call to let them know she was alive. She said she learned a lot of life the hard way doing that and was better for it on the other side. She said to tell you that she hopes Tiffany's story ends up like hers. She is now happily married with 2 kids and a great relationship with her family.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
THank you and please tell your friend thanks for that encouraging story!
ilyena_sylph
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you've at least heard her voice and she seems to be physically safe.

Good luck trying to get her home.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
isenglass
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC)
I am so glad that she at least had the sense to call. Her new "friend" needs some jail time to get his head out of his ass.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC)
Amen, sister.
baronessadriana
Dec. 9th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
I have know idea how hard this must be for you. And, if you want to track her you should take Alejandro's advice. Daemon is good at locating people.



Edited at 2008-12-09 04:52 pm (UTC)
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
Daemon called me last night and offered to do this for me. He's awesome!
phoenix_defiant
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
I hope that Tiffany will continue to be safe, and I do hope that the man she is with can be tracked down and arrested. Did she call on a cell phone- if so, is there anyway to track it by GPS?
I'm sorry I don't know more about the situation & so my questions may be unhelpful- but I was just thinking that if she is using any kind of cell phone that you set up for her that there ought to be a way for the wireless company to track it.
I'm glad she called you, but as a "fellow" mom, I know you'd feel much much better to have her *home* safe and sound.
I posted the info about her, and an LJ friend in South Carolina has distributed it to her FL too.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:07 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Phoenix!!
irishyogini
Dec. 9th, 2008 05:31 pm (UTC)
Hi. I don't know you personally, but silverstah is a dear friend of mine. I have posted your story on all of my social pages. I would like very much to add you as a friend, if that's okay. Please feel free to friend me, too.

*hugs*
johnbroadfoot
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
What she said!
I also got this from Laura, among others. Stay in touch with that detective. She sounds like a winner.
Re: What she said! - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 06:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - sinclairhawkins - Dec. 9th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 07:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - sinclairhawkins - Dec. 9th, 2008 07:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - 3ravensringo - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: What she said! - johnbroadfoot - Dec. 9th, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
splagxna
Dec. 9th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
i'm glad she has at least called.

a couple additional thoughts: do you have any hint she knows about your lj? if so you might want to lock some of this if you worry that she might try to avoid cell phones, myspace, etc if that's a way to find her.

second - call back that producer from good morning america. your show JUST aired. they might do a quick followup or something, and get her face out in front of the nation. worth a try....
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
No, she doesn't know anything about lj. I'm working with the therapist about whether a show is the right thing to do. She's so adamant about not coming home, it might make things worse if I do something like that. But thanks - all thoughts are appreciated!
(no subject) - alricthemad - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
good thoughts from the west - lokiz_mom - Dec. 9th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: good thoughts from the west - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 10:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
lesa
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:12 pm (UTC)
You don't know me, but I read about this on my friend's page via Laura, Cyd, John Broadfoot and countless others.

My heart goes out to you because I know too well what it feels like to love your child without bounds and try with all that is in you to give them what they need only to have them shut you out when they hit an age when they believe that they are "all grown up".

My daughter did something similiar when she turned 15, only she didn't just leave, she lashed out and it got ugly. So ugly.

So I am thankful that she contacted you, and I am so sorry that this is happening. I'd like to ask you not to blame yourself, please don't fall into that.

My prayers and thoughts remain with your family.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for that. You're right - it's hard NOT to blame myself. But I look at my two birth sons who are wonderful grown men, and I KNOW that I am a good mother. Unfortunately, Tiffany just came to me too late, after so much trauma in her young life. I just pray that what I HAVE been able to do for her will someday be a help to her.
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weaverrhi
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
Put the heat on that guy
We need to find a way to put some heat on that idiot of a predator so he thinks she's too much trouble to deal with.

Then he should go to jail for a very very very long time and spend time with someone. Even though she's 17, she's still very much a child in thought and action and she needs protection; she just doesn't know it.

Don't lose hope. She called you, so she's thinking about you and her family. Thje whole "I'm not coming home" thing means she's at least considering her options. She's still testing your love and commitment. When she does show up and she still has a family it will be a monumental thing for her. You haven't given up on her and you won't. She knows that deep down, but it isn't registering everywhere (especially when she's got a jerk-wad whispering in her ear).

Daemon will find her, it's just a matter of time. Try to have patience and remember that she loves you and you love her.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Put the heat on that guy
Thank you - your encouragement means everything!
dr_zrfq
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC)
I wish she could see herself like I do.

You know better than any of us how hard that is for her, given her background.

How sad that she sees herself in such a way that she can't "be herself" in a family that loves her, with safe boundaries, a beautiful girl's bedroom, nice things, security, affection - and all that we've tried to give her.

There's two different categories of things in that list, the conflation of which always raises a red flag for me. Some people actually confuse the two categories, and end up asking the question "How could s/he do this to us after all we gave her/him?" ... when the material things weren't what the child needed, but were all the child really got. You're not one of those; your previous postings make that clear. Still, it's dangerous to juxtapose the material with the spiritual in this case.

So... I'm going to ignore the beautiful bedroom and the nice things, because I don't think they're relevant. I'm trying to think about this from the viewpoint of a restless 17 year old -- I was one once. And my home life growing up as as stable as you could really get, from birth onward, so if I felt these things, then I can only imagine how much more sharply they cut for Tiffany whose life pre-you was FAR from stable.

Love. Safe boundaries. Security. Affection. She needs all of these. Yes, you give her all of these. But...
1. Does she believe she needs all of these?
2. Does she believe that you're giving her all of these?

She probably does believe she needs love, affection, and even security. For love and affection, she probably believes you're giving her that... but she may also believe she can get those elsewhere just as well. She may also have a hard time believing that she is deserving of them.

Given ber history, I suspect she does *not* believe, deep down in her gut, that you're really giving her security. Yes, you *are* doing so. But her perception does not match the reality. In fact, she may believe that security really doesn't exist for her. (And again, she may not believe she would deserve it even if it did exist.)

It's a sucker bet that she doesn't truly believe she needs safe boundaries, at least not all of the time, or even most of the time.

It all seems to add up, at least for me, to a teenager who is willing to throw her trust at anyone who'll tell her what she wants to hear. *This is NOT doe to anything you have or haven't done.* You probably know that, but it bears repeating.

My prayers and good thoughts and healing vibes continue going out to you and to Tiffany.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks - and your words are the constant thoughts in my brain. I just have to voice my FEELINGS to keep sane. My social worker brain can explain everything down to an exact science - but my mother's heart continues to ask "why?"
mjcan
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
if you need to hire someone to find her do it, but you need a plan to follow once she comes home. you can not live like this and she can not keep doing this to you or herself. talk to someone about options now. you can not continue as you have.

list her needs
constant supervision
safe place
structure
support
counceling
.......... whatever

then see if there is somewhere that offeres at least the most important of these things

you need support, possibly legal support to get what you need

an option may be to allow her to be with this person as long as she follows certain rules (you know where she is, she contacts you every saturday at such and such a time, {and there are rules here too, he can not hear her conversation, this respects her, you can not judge her, just make sure she is as safe as she can be...}... that she can always come home. so always say you love her and ask if she wants to come home or remind her she can...) sometimes we just have to let go, but we do not have to walk away... maybe she will come home.

i know this is really awful but it is an option, at least you have some contact with her.

it is sad, each child is such a different individual, as a teacher i can not be what each student needs but as a team we can reach all children. tiffany needs a team, the role you play on that team depends on what she needs. righ now she can not accept the things you have to offer no matter how valuable they are, she needs something different and thinks she has found it in this older man. I hope and pray that he is a good person who sees the good in her and will be able to support her as she grows and matures into a capable young woman.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks. That's where we are with this whole thing. I have a good friend who is an excellent PI and he could probably find her right away, but what then? So the therapist said to ask the police detective if they think we need to spend the time and money of the PI or just wait for them to find her or what. She has a MH professional support team who are looking into more secure placements if she refuses to come home. However, we've really already been over all that and she won't go there (at least I don't think so) willingly either. I think she'll just come home and then run away again.
(no subject) - dulcinbradbury - Dec. 9th, 2008 09:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 09:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
jloopy
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:33 pm (UTC)
i hope you don't mind me adding you as a friend. i'm sure lots of people have probably been doing that. i remember seeing tiffany's story on the morning show when it aired. i have a teen-ager the same age and have gone through a multitude of problems with her -- including one time when she also ran away with an older guy that she met thru myspace -- and i would really like to keep track as to what happens with tiffany. you are in my thoughts and prayers.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I will add you as well, since one can NEVER have too many friends!
madam_macaw
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
I don't think we have every met, but I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I can tell you that I once ran away when I was a teenager also. Luckily, my parents tracked me down. I thought I knew everything and was old enough to make my own decisions. I didn't. I don't know what would have happened if they didn't find me. Do not give up! She will thank you for it later, trust me.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for your happy ending! I hope we have one as well, even if it takes a while.
(no subject) - madam_macaw - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
znova
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
No need to respond hon but just know that people you don't even know (me!) are thinking about you and your family.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
I have to respond, can't help it! And I do appreciate you as well.
nazrynn
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:07 pm (UTC)
I am really glad she had the thought to contact you and let you know she's okay.

As for the guy with her, he should know he's placed himself in a very poor situation - regardless of whether or not he has her best interests at heart, this is really something your family needs to work out directly with her.

And if it is a case of the guy taking advantage of a family dispute, the best advice I could offer (as someone who was in that situation about 12 years ago) would be to give her the phone number of someone you and she both know and trust, so she knows she has someone else to reach out to if things go south.

She still needs to come home to work this out - but if it doesn't happen immediately, she should know she has a safety net in place, and you care enough to give her support even when she doesn't recognize it.

May she come to recognize that love and support soon, and return to your family safely.
alricthemad
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
I am glad that you have heard from her.
If you hear from her again, remind her of how much you care about her (as I am sure you have)
And that you will be waiting.

I saw her story on MSNBC, Somewhere, deep down she knows how much you love her.

My thought and prays for you and her.

if you find out she is in the DC area, let us know.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
Will do. I've decided to leave her voicemail messages daily just saying "HI, it's Mom and I love you and hope you're OK."
3ravensringo
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:24 pm (UTC)
If you hear she's in the DC area, puttering around in alternative lifestyle circles...Let's just say that "feelers" will be worming their way under relevant doors.

Many communities take a dim view of predators.
alricthemad
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you Sir!
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 9th, 2008 08:49 pm (UTC) - Expand
A lead! - johnbroadfoot - Dec. 10th, 2008 01:53 am (UTC) - Expand
bellaballanda
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
Hi.. We've never met but I found this story through fairerhiannon 's journal. I just wanted to send you happy thoughts. I went to school in Durham so I posted the story with my friends there...
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, dear!
katerinfg
Dec. 9th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
I'm also so glad that you heard from her, and I will post the news everywhere that I posted the original appeal. I'd also love to see the various news sories that have been mentioned -- does anyone have links?

As far as Friending you, I'd love to, but I don't know how easy that would be for either of us as I'm about to enter into a custody battle with my parents over my own teenager, and it's likely to get painful and ugly. I don't want to ask you to have to watch this while you're dealing with this, and to be honest, I don't know the extent to which I can watch this while I'm dealing with that. Let me know what you think, when you get a chance, which I know may not be anytime soon.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)
You do whatever makes you comfortable. I am sorry that you are dealing with the custody situation. I am also a child welfare professional (17+ years) so I've seen a lot of that kind of thing over the years. I'd be happy to watch and offer support, but I know that it's hard to be all things to all people when you're in crisis. Either way - I'm here if you need me and thanks for your support!
wolfsilveroak
Dec. 9th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
Still crossposting.

Hang in there.
narniarose
Dec. 9th, 2008 09:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks, wolf!!
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