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Sad News About Tiffany

Tiffany came home yesterday, but unfortunately left again.  Literally within 5 minutes of my going to get her, she was belligerent and demanding.  No apology, no reasoning, just ....  well, a bi-polar, damaged teenager.  Took her to the therapist.  Tried tough love.  Her birth brother called yesterday because she had called him.  He told me that nothing worked for him until his grandmother finally said, "I wash my hands of you."  He thinks this is the only way she will learn as well.  He made me feel good because he said, "I told her she was crazy.  I wish Ms. Tracey could have adopted me and here you are throwing it all away." She left in the night without the puppy this time.  The police have said there's no point in searching now because she just doesn't want to cooperate.  Thanks for caring.  Please pray to the deity of your choice for her safety, until she wakes up and realizes that a loving family is better than the streets.  I believe in prayer.  And I believe in hopeful thoughts and good karma.  I believe in God, because He kept me safe when I had no one to care about me.  He sent me many friends and all of you.  I will not be hopeless.  Thank you all again for your support and encouragement.  Let us pray.



( 97 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 11th, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
Wow. I've been following along after blueashke posted about Tiffany in her journal. I've been keeping you and your family in my thoughts. It seems that she has changed so much since the clip from the show. I wish all of you the best of luck.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:58 pm (UTC)
I know. She is truly an amazing child and I so wish she could see herself like I do. I love her so much, which makes it doubly hard when she is so vicious to me and so harmful to herself. Thanks for your good wishes.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:31 pm (UTC)
Oh gosh, I cannot imagine your heartache. But maybe her brother is right.

Everything happens for a reason. This could just be the last throws for her before she realizes she has everything she needs, not only to be who she is but more than she could ever want at home.

Some lessons have to be hard.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
Oh Rose ((((Hugs))))
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
Hugs accepted. Thanks.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
oh, honey. i am so, so sorry.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Rae. I hope maybe I can do lunch again soon. It was so good to see you.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry. I am praying for you and her...if there's anything else I can do do not hesitate to ask, I am but a heartbeat away in Charlotte, NC.

Dec. 12th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
You're so kind - thank you so much.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Been lurking, pitching in now
You, and she, are in my thoughts and prayers, with a side order of good juju. {{{HUG}}}
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:56 pm (UTC)
Re: Been lurking, pitching in now
Thank you for the prayers and the hugs - and the juju is always good, too.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:55 pm (UTC)
oh sweetie! Have been offline all week, so just now catching up.

Dec. 12th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you, dear.
Dec. 11th, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC)

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie.
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
This happens. Rose, as much as I hate to say it, it really does happen. She will have to hit her personal rock bottom in order to claw her way back up. Some people find bottom sooner than others. For some, it takes a long and arduous journey. The fact that she knows that you are there for her will give her something to hold onto in her darkest times. However, I think I agree with her birth brother in that the amount of energy you are pouring into her right now is causing her to pull away rather than turn to you.

I wonder what would happen if you were to tell her that you love her and want to be there for her but that you can't keep running after her like this because of the amount of pain it causes you. And, that when she is ready, you will be there. But this amount of trauma isn't good for you, especially if she keeps running away. It might be that she has to come back on her own so that when she does, she will appreciate more that she has a home to go to. If you keep pulling her back, she may only be seeing at as being forced to do something rather than as having a sanctuary.

Regardless, I send you good thoughts.
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
Very sound advice. Well said. Be there for her, but take care of yourself. HUGS!!!
(no subject) - bantiarna - Dec. 11th, 2008 02:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - phoenix_defiant - Dec. 11th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lovewithoutfear - Dec. 12th, 2008 01:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 12th, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ancientsong - Dec. 12th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:04 pm (UTC)
I'm praying for you and Tiffany. Keep your chin up. We are here for you. I do believe that things will change for the better for Tiffany and that she is being watched over just as you are. Keep the faith! :)
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
I will - thank you!
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:13 pm (UTC)
I will pray for her, for you, and for all of her family. I have faith that the strength of your love will be stronger than her fear.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you. And I agree that LOVE is the greatest gift and it will win out in the end.
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
I feel like I don't know you as well as some SCAdians in the barony, but after reading your ordeal and interactions with Tiffany, I feel I know at least some great measure of your character. It speaks highly of you that you've willingly gone through this pain time and time again, and would do so again if given the chance. Many, including some folks in my own family, would have kicked Tiffany out of their house long ago.

I now know that there's a reason for the correlation between "Love" and a "Rose".
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:50 pm (UTC)
That was just SO lovely, Girard,and precious words that I'll treasure. Thanks so much for reading and caring.
Dec. 11th, 2008 02:53 pm (UTC)
Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry for all that both of you are going through. I know you both are in a lot of pain, whether she acknowledges it or not.

Your family is in my prayers.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you, friend. I appreciate you so much. I hope the info I sent you was helpful.
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
I've been thinking about you a LOT, and I have faith in YOU.

Dec. 12th, 2008 03:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. It was nice to see you at Unevent. You are even more beautiful in person.
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:11 pm (UTC)
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your strengthening hugs.
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
Random question from my hubby, the Psyche degree holder: Is she medicated for her bi-polar disorder? If so, is she off her meds? Or have they tried adjusting her meds? (I know from experience that a LOT of bi-polar folks randomly stop taking their meds, thus the inquiry.)

I'm so sorry that she's done this to you again, hon. I'll still keep my eyes peeled until we leave town on Saturday. *hugs* My thoughts are with you.
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
I was wondering much the same thing, which is why I suspect Tiffany has started to thrash (here, moving back and forth rapidly and uncontrollably between states of mind, accomplishing nothing).
(no subject) - shonao - Dec. 11th, 2008 10:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 12th, 2008 03:48 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I also agree with the advice to pull back and take care of yourself more than chasing after her. A chase can end in catching her, but what then -- another window for her to crawl out of. I know the bipolar stuff is in play, but eventually she has to come to her own terms and place of peace...and I feel she'll come back then. *HUGS*
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you- I'm really trying to keep myself OK in all this. The fact that she's a minor is what makes it so hard. I can only pull back so far, you know? Thanks for the hugs.
(no subject) - brighidh - Dec. 14th, 2008 01:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - narniarose - Dec. 14th, 2008 01:53 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Sympathies, Prayers and Hugs from NYC
You are so kind! I'm so glad you have found happiness.
Dec. 11th, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
It sounds as though Tiffany is going through the mental and emotional equivalent of what us old-school computer types call "thrashing".

I continue to send prayers and good thoughts and healing vibes in her direction and in yours. I wish there were more I could do.


Edited at 2008-12-11 03:36 pm (UTC)
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Evan. It was nice to meet you in person. Thanks for the hugs!
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:03 pm (UTC)
Hugs. I'm hoping for the best and keeping you in my thoughts...
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
I went through the same thing with my eldest son. He left when he was 17. The day he turned 18, he knocked at my door and told me "I am an adult now, and I don't have to follow your rules anymore." I told him, "Excellent. In that case, I owe you nothing. Welcome to your life."

He left again. Three months later he called me and asked to come back home. I said no. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He continued getting in trouble and landed in jail. Again, I refused to let him come back after that, but kept in touch with him.

I kept trying to help him through all his troubles in spite of that, until I got to the point in which I had to let go. He stopped talking to me for three years. However, now he has a full time job, is making very good money, has a great girlfriend, and as far as I can tell he's clean.

I am very proud of him. He made it to Thanksgiving to my house for the first time in years, and they're coming for Christmas eve. It has been a rough road, and I felt very guilty at the time. But I know now that I had to let him go, and crash and burn, for him to pick himself up and make something of himself.

We are working on this relationship now.

So yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you cannot find it for her. She'll sink or she'll swim. But you need to let go and take care of yourself. At this point, there is nothing else for you left to do.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for sharing that. I do agree with you. My oldest son had some issues that caused me to do something similar. He's now a specialist in the US Army and a fine young man. I just hope that Tiffany, who has suffered SO MUCH MORE can still someday accept the love that is right in front of her.
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
Oh hugs! She does sound troubled. I was somewhat troubled myself, but I never ran away. I stayed with my family as they were my support and rock during the hard times I was experiencing... I was very depressed, tired and physically ill.

Oh man oh man, I am so sorry... this must be hurting you so much!

If you will accept, I am sending you a hug.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:43 pm (UTC)
Hugs are always accepted. Your babies in the icon are beautiful.
(no subject) - jenandbronze - Dec. 12th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, hon, major hugs for you and Tiffany. I'll keep both of you on the prayer chain and hope that God will show us all that bright light of love at the end of this tunnel.

I know it's ridiculously hard and I'm amazed that you have enough strength to even post about this right now. Just know that there are hundreds of people praying for you and Tiffany right now.
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. Actually, without this list and all you wonderful people, I wouldn't have the strength to do anything right now.
Dec. 11th, 2008 04:54 pm (UTC)
She's searching for something she believes she can find only outside of herself, and that the world is trying to take it away from her before she's even begun. One day, she'll realize that what she seeks has been inside her own heart all along. Until then, it's going to be a rough and rocky road.

::gentle hugs::
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much.
Dec. 11th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. *gentle hugs* Wish I could do more to help.

Is her birth brother older? Does he live in the area?
Dec. 12th, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC)
Yes, he's almost 19. I think he's in Michigan.
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