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December 12th, 2008

Hope This Makes Sense...

I'm about as exhausted as anyone can be.  I don't have the strength for all the details, but I'll "sum up."  Tiffany showed up again last night, completely defiant and not at all remorseful.  I told her that her puppy had found a new home because she left him alone and was not taking care of him.  She called the police to report me for theft (sheesh).  Of course, the officer told her that I'm her mother and have the right to consequence her as I see fit.  Before he arrived, she hit me across the chest.  He didn't see that so he couldn't arrest her.  I called her therapist who told the officer that she needed to be taken to the hospital.  He didn't want to do that because "I'm not seeing anything dangerous in her."  OH MY GOD THE RIDICULOUS SYSTEM WE HAVE.  She raged and yelled, told him she didn't need medication and that she "lost it."  So at least that confirmed what I believed all along - that she was off  her medication.  The MH supporter called and talked to the officer again and told him that yes, he can take her to the hospital because her therapist is recommending hospitalization and it would be dangerous for her mother to try to take her because she'd probably jump out of the car, run away, assault her mom, pick one.   He finally said he would take her if she agreed.  I told him he needed to say, "You either need to ride with me or your mom because your therapist wants you to talk to someone."  Otherwise I knew she would refuse if he said something like, "You have to go in the hospital and your mom is going to take you."  After sitting at the assessment center until 2:30 AM, they finally agreed that she needed to be committed.  At 3:30, while waiting for a bed to open up at Holly Hill, I went to the back to see her.  She was still crying and raging about the "f-ing doctor."  She let me hug her, but quickly became angry when she wanted me to "talk them out of it."  I told them it wouldn't matter if I did, but that I wouldn't do that because she needed help.  After 30 minutes, I gave up and left.  I had to take Joshua to work at 8:30 so I only slept a couple of hours.  I guess this is going to be my life for awhile....

Oh, and to top it all off, my ex-husband decided to see what livejournal was all about.  He read all my entries, then picked yesterday to take terminal offense at the journal entry about the time he used my credit card for gambling when I was under the influence of Ambien.  I told him to f*^K off.  I sure as hell don't need his bullspit right now.  Joshua also had a meltdown this morning. I didn't need that either, but he apologized and if anyone deserves a little venting, he does.  He has patiently sat by and watched me go through hell with Tiffany and hasn't said a thing to her.  That has to be hard.

But for god's sake, I really just need a break, you know?